4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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