I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize