Sponge bath it is.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
