Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
