And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
