can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
