She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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