On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
