And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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