Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize