This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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