She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
