this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Randomize
