she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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