dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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