forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
