Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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