I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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