And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
