the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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