Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
