i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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