wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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