i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize