i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
