And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
