last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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