I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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