I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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