is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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