Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I faked an abortion last night.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
