Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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