Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm going to jail i love you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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