Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
