The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
