He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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