I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
