is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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