Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
