she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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