the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
