Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
