im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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