Don't you send me to vm
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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