finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
