maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
