It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
