May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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