whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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