Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
