It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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