We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
