My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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