how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
