i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
