if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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