you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
