I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize