Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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