I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
