if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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