1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
