It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
