Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
