We're like a lot better than the average bears
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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