im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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