Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize