Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize