He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
