it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
