I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Life is so much better after having sex.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
