I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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