I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just high enough for therapy.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
