i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
